Back to basics

I've missed writing. I really have.

Life has changed so much since I've been here last. And I am incredibly, wonderfully happy :)

Funny how the best things happen when you least expect them to, and how fulfilled the simplest of things can make you feel.

As far as milestones go, I think 2015 sits squarely on the top as one of the biggest years of my life as far as my career, development, and just life in general goes.

I don't mean to sound like one of those irritating #blessed people but sometimes I think about how everything has managed to fall into place and how I am so content with the way things are now and I am a little afraid because I don't like feeling like my life has peaked and the only way to go now is down.

But I will stay positive and believe that even better things are in store for me. Because the way things are going now, god I really hope it gets even better than this :)

hello 2015

2013 was really difficult; my expectations for 2014 were so low. But I am so amazed and incredibly grateful for what a year it's turned out to have been. This year, I've rediscovered friendships, strengthened existing ones, lost some, forged new bonds, seen a lot of ugly but also seen enough beauty to not be embittered, and above it all- I've been wonderfully happy (for the most part).

For being surrounded by people who never stopped believing in me or thought less of me despite the (sometimes frankly terrible) choices that I tend to make. For the friends who stand by me unwaveringly but are not afraid to call me out on my (oftentimes blatant) bullshit, for investing precious time to fix me when they were in no way responsible for breaking me in the first place. For the people who kept my feet firmly on the ground while allowing me to learn to love myself again, and made me want to be a better person by quietly and patiently loving me regardless of how much of an undeserving monster I was.

If you're reading this- thank you for being part of my life and part of a beautiful year, even if it's in the tiniest of ways. I hope in one way or another, I helped make you as happy as you made me this year.

hello from macau

Day 4 of my 2nd trip of 2014, said goodbye to Hong Kong today and now saying hello from Macau from the boys' apartment.

Surrounded by xbox games and Tamiya cars and the hugest Tamiya track I've ever seen in a tiny apartment, but despite all of that I don't think I've felt this comfortable or this much in my own skin in a really long time.

These days I have no need to pretend, no need to be someone I'm not, I can be exactly who I am and nobody judges me for it. I don't have to be anything I don't feel like I truly am. The future is, as always, uncertain and I don't know where I'll be this time next year but right now, I'm so happy.

Was talking to D yesterday and I shared with her the biggest realisation I made in the last few months, which is that happiness cannot be built around other people. When your happiness depends on nobody but yourself (and for me, on God), the world can crumble and you can lose it all, but you will still find joy in everything. I was never really sure that I believed all of this, until it naturally came from my mouth last night and suddenly everything that people had been saying made sense.

It's truly quite an awesome feeling, and I hope I keep feeling like this.

Grateful and happy, today. :)

alone, but never lonely.

Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.

Ralph Marston

Photo diary: Taiwan 2013

This space has lain dormant for quite a while, and I'm not sure why I haven't been here. This space reminds me of all that is happy and good and I should be more grateful for what I have.

And by that entire longwinded paragraph, I actually just meant to say: I WILL BLOG MORE. 

To kick things off: photo diary from Taiwan.

things to remember

August 2012. 

We're at East Coast at sunset after your windsurf training, gorgeous weather and a surprise picnic I packed. You are unspeakably amused at the picnic mat I brought. "It's like a real picnic!" Your eyes light up at the sight of the food I cooked that I know you like- mac and cheese, grilled honey glazed chicken, strawberries and chocolate fondue for dessert. And then I pull out wet wipes, ice cold drinks, speakers and a picnic playlist, and you laugh at the detail I've put into the planning. You enthusiastically dig in, and then you suddenly stop and you look at me with this look in your eyes. Reach out for my hand and pull me towards you, and you press your lips against mine and kiss me with a tenderness so gentle that it takes my breath away.

I want to remember that moment forever. 

you see the light that I can’t see

Oh baby, my baby,

You’ve held me

through many broken hearts

And maybe, just maybe

You can fix all my broken parts

And you took me by surprise

When you took my hand

And you with your dark brown eyes

You see the light that I can’t see

You see the light in me.

(x)

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and being depressed, because I'm ready to start living again. I'm freaking turning 21. I should be having the time of my life. Not worrying about things beyond my control, things that I shouldn't have to deal with until I'm much older, if ever.

I hope I never have to deal with this ever again.

But for now, I'm ready to start living my life again.

Stronger than ever. And ever so grateful to my friends for picking me up :)

they say that extroverts are unhappier than introverts and have to compensate for this by constantly proving to themselves how happy and contented and at ease with life they are.

paulo coelho - the witch of portobello

I don't understand why I constantly worry about being sensitive, about trying to keep things from people to prolong their joy, to keep them from being upset. I don't know why I feel the constant need to protect, and shield people from information. At the end of the day it's all going to come out, everything's going to blow up, and people are going to find out and judge. And it's not like I really give a shit what they think, cos the people who matter to me would've been the first few to know.

I don't know why I bother trying to be sensitive and be tactful, when other people aren't.

It doesn't make sense to be nice anymore.

So forget it; people can judge all the want.

I know who I care about, I am constantly surrounded by people who love me, and all they want from me is to be happy.

And I am. With the people I love, I am.

"Not a fan of surprises?"

"On the contrary actually. I am very much a surprises kind of girl."

contentment

You make my heart beat a little faster every time you look at me.
You make me forget what I want to say when you smile at me.
The world vanishes when you kiss me.

I could do nothing but sit and talk to you all day,
& still feel like I could fall in love over and over again.

I am so, so, so happy.

I had a really good day.

+ Woke up half an hour late but the bus-gods aligned and I managed to make it to rehearsal 10 minutes early

+ S managed to kope a Big Night Out lanyard & pass for me, SO DOPE

+ BT was being a bitch at rehearsal today but our first full run was so hilarious I loved it

+ CHIPPY'S BEER BATTERED FRIES WITH MALT VINEGAR (Y) (Y) (Y) (Y)

+ Laughing my ass off with R the entire day

+ Met J and P at Starbucks for some Iced Zen Tea awesomeness

+ KL WITH AM4A TOMORROW WHAT UP BITCHESSSSSSS

Okay I should really go pack and get my ass to bed cos I need to be up at 5am. I haven't been this happy in agessssss.

merry christmas

My life right now is a mess of impulsive choices and rash decisions. One of throwing caution to the wind and saying whatever is on my mind, but I'm guessing that one day all this will come back and smack me in the face.

Then again, I'm only 19 once.

Merry Christmas everyone!

mindless updates

"Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take is the worst of suffering." 
- Paulo Coelho

So ironic that this is your favourite author.
-
In other news, I've been having a hell lot of fun with BB. Post-show drinks/supper almost every night with the crew/wardrobe or staging boys, plus raging gossip at every turn. I've realised that the shows I've been working are so clean and innocent; I'm seeing all the scandal in theatre all of a sudden. The Esplanade staging boys are a fucking riot, I'm so glad we're part of their nonsense. I don't think I've ever had so much fun doing a production. 6 more shows to go and I'm already feeling the post-production blues.

MUSE LIVE IN SINGAPORE

SINGAPORE INDOOR STADIUM

3RD FEBRUARY 2010

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

What do you do when people disappear from your life, only to reappear, shoving a truckload of times you want to remember and times you don't want to remember down your throat?

What do you do when you feel like you want something but you know that ultimately you don't actually want it?

What do you do when your heart betrays your mind?

You do nothing. You walk away & you be content and grateful for life as it is.

Goodnight everyone. Sylvia is happy, and strong, and proud of herself (:

I had the most wonderful day.

22

Dear time,

Please hurry up.

Love, Sylvia.