back again

Whoa it's been exactly a month since I've been back here... time passes crazy fast. This last month has been an insanely intense whirlwind of rushing to finish the zillion final year assignments that somehow popped up alongside my procrastination to drown me together with my thesis, doing a somewhat half-fucked job and no longer caring, juggling that with full-time work as well as my side projects and I'm just glad I survived, to be honest. I have never been more sleep deprived and exhausted, but I'm also really super proud of myself for seeing it all through and not giving up on any of these things halfway.

Most importantly, my little company with D & E pulled off our first production in late April/early May and I can't quite believe we did it and it's over just like that. Sales were a little on the slow side but we got glowing reviews and most importantly, our name got out and I am so so excited for what is to come. This is just the beginning!

Full time work has been just as fulfilling, we kicked off May with 2 back to back concerts and the rest of the year looks like it's gonna be just as busy. I know of so many people who are having trouble finding work or adjusting to working life and I realise that I am so bloody lucky to have been working long enough to have had trouble with neither.

It is at times like these when I truly understand how blessed I am for the people I have around me. For tolerating all my crankiness and snappiness, for all the opportunities and support, for all the prayers I don't even know I am being covered in. Especially my very awesome cell group who constantly text and fb to ask if I'm doing good and tell me they are praying for me even when I miss cell/church because of work. Super blessed!

I know I constantly lament being lonely and not having anyone and how I hate how people move on so easily and how I slowly get phased out of people's lives or prioritized over but at the end of the day, it's not about being busy or being single, but it's about the effort you put in, and whether or not this effort is reciprocated. New friends with more love to give are bound to take the place of those who were never truly there in the first place. And friendships that I know are forever are still holding strong despite distance/time/schedules. And that's all a girl really needs.

My education may have ended, but my learning journey has just begun... and I really cannot wait. Here goes nothing :)

some random thoughts

1. I am really craving eggs benedict on a bed of smoked salmon with home style fries on the side. Like this.

2. I love my hair right now.

3. Holy shit I'm sleepy.

Off to school!

I'm tired.

I'm not physically tired, everyday I'm still running around being hyper and busy but at the end of the day when I come home I always feel this inexplicable sadness no matter how good a day I had.

I don't want to believe it's because of something else, so tiredness it shall be.

I'm just tired.

I had a really good day.

+ Woke up half an hour late but the bus-gods aligned and I managed to make it to rehearsal 10 minutes early

+ S managed to kope a Big Night Out lanyard & pass for me, SO DOPE

+ BT was being a bitch at rehearsal today but our first full run was so hilarious I loved it

+ CHIPPY'S BEER BATTERED FRIES WITH MALT VINEGAR (Y) (Y) (Y) (Y)

+ Laughing my ass off with R the entire day

+ Met J and P at Starbucks for some Iced Zen Tea awesomeness

+ KL WITH AM4A TOMORROW WHAT UP BITCHESSSSSSS

Okay I should really go pack and get my ass to bed cos I need to be up at 5am. I haven't been this happy in agessssss.

What I learnt in management class today

Not everyone can be good at everything.

So first you hire Person A, who can do this thing, and then you hire Person B, who can do this other thing.
Person B is excellent at what he does. Person A gets his job done.
But Person A can do something Person B cannot, and that is why Person A's still around.

But, this is my take:

Have you ever considered that Person B might be able to do both what himself and Person A can do?
Maybe Person B is a better _____er than Person A.
But if you assume that Person B is only good at what he was hired to do, and you don't teach Person B how to do what Person A does, Person B cannot learn.

So Person A will always be around, not actually because he's a better _____er than Person B, but simply because Person B never got the chance to learn.

This might not always be the case, because there will definitely be Person Bs around who cannot do what Person As can do. But what about those who can? What happens to them? Are they relegated to forever being the secondary Person B just because they didn't get a chance to learn something new?

Makes sense? This can be applied to so many contexts even.

Man, I am amazed at my insight. Hahahahahahaha.

apprehension

I got my Lasalle welcoming letter and orientation notice today and I am suddenly kind of scared at the prospect of starting school in less than month. With the exception of A, I know absolutely nobody in Lasalle. And I barely know A as it is anyway, since I've only worked with her once. I have no idea what kind of lectures I'll be attending, what kind of workload faces me, what kind of social environment I'll be in. I have absolutely no idea what modules are compulsary and what modules are optional, I have no idea how well I need to do to advance to Year 2 and it is suddenly occurring to me how much I do not know and that is kind of freaking the shit out of me right now. I have so much to work towards and so much I want to learn and I really, honestly do want to learn so much so badly. I want to go for the SM course next year and I want to go for the TT intro course at the Esplanade and I want to learn how to do so many things and train under the best but Lasalle suddenly seems very big and ominous and scary and my dreams feel very far and out of reach and I suddenly feel very, very, small and tiny and insignificant.

chasing boho dreams

So it's official.

I'm going to be a Year 1 Arts Management student at Lasalle College of the Arts come August 3rd, and after 3 years I'll get my B(A) (Hons) in Arts Management. I'm hoping to specialise in Performing Arts and maybe take an elective in Fine Arts, but we'll see.

I'm so excited!!! (:

seriously

"I strive to better my ability to conceptualize ideas and a place in the School of Humanities and Social Sciences to read English Literature will allow me to explore the different avenues of the literary world. I am also confident of my ability to contribute to NTU as a leader."

You just read 50 words.

Seriously, how the hell is anyone expected to show how worthy they are of a place in NUS/NTU if they get only 1000 characters or an even more ridiculous 50 WORDS to express themselves? And how the hell does anyone expect to be able to see how worthy someone is of getting a place in uni in 50 words??! This is nuts. The system is so ridiculously, stupidly flawed I have nothing to say.

deeeeeeeenied

NUS application status enquiry

Name TAN SYLVIA

Application number 19043312

Application status

The general stages for the application status are

Application received --> Application processing --> Outcome of application

Your current status is Admission denied.

last words

I'm very tired of trying to strike a balance and perfect that balancing act. What is good for me vs what I want, what I want vs what I can achieve, what I can achieve vs what I dream to be, making my parents happy yet not compromising my promises to myself, fulfilling my dream of chasing boho dreams yet making sure I have enough money to not starve to death in the future. Fucking sucks.

I got accepted but my dad refuses to let me go to art college. I'm going to do this without him. Meanwhile, I'm praying for a sign to know that I am really doing the right thing. Amanda managed to get a place too so here's to hoping she'll be my coursemate.

I am so tired of having to fight for every single thing in my life. I fight so hard for every damn thing I want in my life and still, I lose every battle. Meanwhile, people just relax and chill their way through life and life just moulds itself around them. It's so unfair.

I am so tired.

A Level Results: FAQ

Yes, I flunked my Math.

Yes, I expected it.

Yes, I did well enough for the rest.

Yes, I have accepted it and I am fine.

Yes, I am still shamelessly applying to university.

No, I don't know whether or not I have a future in publishings.

Yes, I am going to apply for everything I want regardless of admission criteria.

No, I am not planning to give up and yes, I am planning to further my education.

Yes, I am applying to all three universities.

Yes, I am applying to Lasalle.

No, I cannot afford private uni.

Yes, I would still like to go to Lasalle.

Yes, my parents are giving me grief.

No, I am not fine.

No, I cannot meet you for dinner tomorrow.

No, I am not happy.

Yes, my life basically sucks now.

And yes, I would like you to shut up and stop asking me how I did.

Thank you.

There.