“People who weren’t fed love with a silver spoon as a child end up learning how to lick them off knives as an adult.”

Can someone tell me why TikTok quotes teach me more about myself than my $220/hour therapist does? 

reminder to self

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
- Melody Beattie

"Would you just stay with me?"

"Stay with you? What for? Look at us! We're already fighting!"

"Well that's what we do! We fight! You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass! Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings, you have like a two-second rebound rate and you're back doing the next pain in the ass thing."

"So, what?"

"So it's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be really hard. And we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me. Everyday."

lesson of the day

"Do not invest in another, more than they are willing to invest in themselves."

Today I very nearly almost did, but I remembered a vow I made to myself a few years ago, never to build anyone up at my own expense ever again.

I should not be fighting harder than you are for your interests.

I should not sacrifice myself to build you up.

And I will not.

I'm not sure how I feel right now.

I cannot help but feel the stirrings of resentment that I've mentioned before that I think eventually this will tear us apart and I still feel like there is so little effort made.

But I also don't lash out anymore.

Maybe over time I truly care less and less.

Again, not sure how I feel about this.

"When you remember me, it means that you have carried something of who I am with you, that I have left some mark of who I am on who you are. It means that you can summon me back to your mind even though countless years and miles may stand between us. It means that if we meet again, you will know me. It means that even after I die, you can still see my face and hear my voice and speak to me in your heart.

For as long as you remember me, I am never entirely lost. When I'm feeling most ghost-like, it is your remembering me that helps remind me that I actually exist. When I'm feeling sad, it's my consolation. When I'm feeling happy, it's part of why I feel that way.

If you forget me, one of the ways I remember who I am will be gone. If you forget, part of who I am will be gone."

Frederick Buechner (American author b. 1926)

"There was a point in time when my mother would pride me on the maturity I showed in relationships. This was before I let my ego become severely bruised by the nonchalance of someone else. On the journey back to finding myself, I learned a few things:

Jealousy has no place in stability. The person you are with is not the person you were with before; do not compare the two. If there is no trust, there is no nurture. Dishonesty is the equivalent of ten steps backwards. Attraction should be rooted in mentality, not merely physicality. Arguing is inevitable - come to peaceful reconciliations. Do not take your partner for granted - there will come a point when enough is truly enough. Most importantly, do not harbor spiteful feelings towards past loves. Thank them for moulding you into your current state and let go. If I could offer one bit of advice, it would be to not measure your relationships in days or months or years. Instead, measure the special bond you have in touch and affection and the ease at which you can be yourself around that other person."

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough."

lang leav

want vs need

“There’s that word again. Need. I need you. I need you to need me. How nauseating, to need another human being, as if their heart is in your throat. Love isn’t about need. Don’t romanticize the notion of desperation. Let me let you in on a secret: you don’t need me and I don’t need you. We can get through life just fine without each other. Love is not wanting to. We want each other, we want skin and hands and all our daily scars. We want intoxication and art museums and intertwined limbs. We want ferocity in our lips and tracing slow, small circles on our stomachs. I don’t need you in my life, but goddamn I want you in it.”

“That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.”

- Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

hope

hello 2014.

14 days late, but.

My motto for 2013 was 'work hard, dream big, stay humble, don't be an asshole'. Last year was terribly trying on my limits and patience but I did my best to stick to it. I've been putting off setting one for 2014 cos 2013 ended with so much uncertainty that I didn't dare to think about what I wanted to achieve this year.

I watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty yesterday and it resonated a lot more than I expected it to; i realised i spent a large part of 2013 being unhappy cos I was afraid of change and scared to leave what was familiar to me. And the few risks I took turned out to be the highlights of my year.

So here's to 2014: 'To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel.'

freedom

"We’re all on different rides, but they all end the same way. You do not need somebody else’s love to be whole. You do not need their permission to go on with your life. What you do need is your own love. You need to let yourself go on. Their love isn’t stopping you, because that love doesn’t exist. It is only you who is holding onto what you believe should be. And what you will realize, sooner or later, is that most of your life is defined and chosen by what you compel yourself to believe should or shouldn’t be. Release yourself from the cage you built. You hold the key to your own freedom."

Your value doesn’t decrease based on somebody’s inability to see your worth.

Be with someone who challenges you,
Who you can have conversations about both scholarly matters, and the goofiest nonsense with.
Be with one who makes you grow,
Who makes you a better you.

Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.

Ralph Marston

Seen on Facebook

People always think that the most painful thing in life is to lose the one you value. 

The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much.

it shouldn't be this hard

light

"He was a boy, just a boy, when I was a very young girl. When I was sixteen, I made the discovery -- love. All at once and much, much too completely. It was like you suddenly turned a blinding light on something that had always been half in shadow, that's how it struck the world for me."

- A Streetcar Named Desire, Tennessee Williams

you are my light

One misunderstood question or a misread tone and we find ourselves at the same point we keep finding ourselves at for the last 2 months and I push and you withdraw and I push some more and you keep your silence until I burst and you lash out and every fight feels like it's going to be the last one, that this time when you say we should just end this so we can be happier that it's really going to be over and we say terrible things that hurt so badly, and I don't understand you and you dont understand me and it feels like we will never be able to get past any of this but at the end of the day when I've exhausted you with my words and myself with all the tears and there's nothing left to say, you drive me home and we're quiet in the car, and when we reach my house you get off the car to say goodbye, and you wrap your arms around me so tight it almost hurts and you lift me off the ground and kiss me on the forehead and say goodnight, and in that instant it overwhelms me, this crippling fear that I might very well end up losing you and the constant fear that every day might be our last together and I know in the very depth of my soul, that I will never stop loving you for the rest of my life.