off balance

I feel like I'm leading a double life and it's getting harder and harder to convince myself that they are both worth living.

I find that it takes more and more of the things that used to make me happy then to make me happy now.

Desperately need some me-time. I've been feeling a bit off lately.

Somehow it just feels like it's not enough.

I hate this perpetually feeling of 'lack'.

I just want to sleep.

"Look, other bands, they want to make it about sex or pain, but you know, The Beatles, they had it all figured out, okay? "I Want to Hold Your Hand." The first single. It's effing brilliant, right?... That's what everybody wants, Nicky. They don't want a twenty-four-hour hump sesh, they don't want to be married to you for a hundred years. They just want to hold your hand."

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

sorry my love how was it when you found love at the edge of a soft curve did you suck back a holler you're scared it might hurt sorry my love when was it you felt calmer on your back and you're breathless did you hold on for comfort or just to lick your thirst sorry my love

What do you do when people disappear from your life, only to reappear, shoving a truckload of times you want to remember and times you don't want to remember down your throat?

What do you do when you feel like you want something but you know that ultimately you don't actually want it?

What do you do when your heart betrays your mind?

You do nothing. You walk away & you be content and grateful for life as it is.

Goodnight everyone. Sylvia is happy, and strong, and proud of herself (:

disgruntled

I constantly find myself at the bottom of the Pyramid of Screaming. I'm always being screamed at and if there's one other thing other than being slapped in the face that really unleashes my violent streak, it's being screamed at in my face. It's annoying, it's rude, and it's bloody unhygienic.

It doesn't matter where I work, there's always some crazy person screaming at me. Purchasing a 20$ ticket does not make you very big, nor does it buy you the right to scream in my face. I really fucking hate it when people come late and expect to be let in immediately, and then scream at me when I explain that they have to wait for the latecomer's queue. I feel like just punching them in the face and screaming back at them DON'T FUCKING SCREAM AT ME YOU STUPID WHORE. But then I'd get fired and I'd be jobless in addition to having been screamed at.

I silently fume all the way home,where I get screamed at again because as the youngest, I am, by default, at the bottom of the pyramid of screaming.

So I bite my tongue and go downstairs and kick some cats.

I hate that no one takes me seriously just cos of my age when I am perfectly competent at what I do. Age does not equate to wisdom, knowledge, or competence, and just because you are jealous that I have lesser wrinkles than you does not allow you to treat me with any less respect.

ANGRY.

Gonna be busy as hell for the next 2 months, but I'm looking forward to being exhausted. It's been way too long since my schedule was this packed. Right, off to bed xx

(I was kidding about the cats btw. I just go for combat class and punch and chop away all my anger PLEASE DON'T ABUSE ANIMALS.)

my favourite movie

"i shouldn’t want the song to end. i always think of each night as a song. or each moment as a song. but now i’m seeing we don’t live in a single song. we move from song to song, lyric to lyric, from chord to chord. there is no ending here. it’s an infinite playlist."

"i used to think when i got older, the world would make so much more sense, but you know what? the older i get, the more confusing it is, the more complicated- you’d think we’d get better at it."

nick and norah’s infinite playlist

sonnet xxv
pablo neruda

before I loved you, love, nothing was my own
i wavered through the streets, among objects
nothing mattered or had a name
the world was made of air, which waited

i knew rooms full of ashes,
tunnels where the moon lived,
rough warehouses that growled ‘get lost’,
questions that insisted in the sand

everything was empty, dead, mute,
fallen abandoned, and decayed
inconceivably alien, it all

belonged to someone else, to no one
till your beauty and your poverty
filled the autumn plentiful with gifts