tiredness.

I honestly don't know how people do it.

I love my job; but the long hours are causing the beginnings of the little stirrings of resentment to form, and I am not sure how I feel about it.

I am tired all the time, physically, mentally. I just feel like I need a little more than a day off at a time to recover from the rest of the week, but life goes on the clock keeps on ticking and everyday is one day closer to opening an incomplete show.

I don't know how some people can work the same hours that I do, then go home, bake cupcakes, clean the house, do their laundry, fall asleep and wake up bright and chirpy for another day of work. I just want to sleep and never wake up and I would pretty much give anything just to have a night's sleep where I don't wake up aching and still feeling unrested.

To be honest I don't think it's my long work hours that is causing the exhaustion, the problem is just that even when I get to sleep, I am not sleeping well. I wake up multiple times a night, have long dreams that dissolve into nightmares, I wake up utterly confused and not sure what actually happened in real life and what happened only in my sleep. I sleep for hours and I wake up and I am just so so tired.

I have no idea why I see and feel so much in my sleep and I can't pinpoint why I wake up physically aching everywhere and it's exhausting, living like this.

Well then.... so much for my resolution to blog more frequently.

I haven't been here in a while, I guess writing more privately has helped cos I tend to write a little more freely.

Life hasn't been all that great lately; my immune system is shit useless, I've been in a downward spiral emotionally for no good reason and I'm generally exhausted and cranky and irritable all the time.

Patience is not a strong suit of mine.

In other news, I turned 23 last week and frankly, getting older scares the shit out of me cos I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, I still have no idea what direction I should take with my career, still have no 5-year or 10-year plan - heck I don't even have a one year plan.

Oh well... one day at a time.

Will be back soon with some happy memories to share. I promise... kind of... maybe?

Your value doesn’t decrease based on somebody’s inability to see your worth.

Be with someone who challenges you,
Who you can have conversations about both scholarly matters, and the goofiest nonsense with.
Be with one who makes you grow,
Who makes you a better you.

my favourite.

self control

Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.

Ralph Marston