i love you, goodbye.

08/06/1923 - 21/10/2012

I'm glad you got to witness at least one more milestone in my life. I hope you're proud of me. You should be very proud of how you've raised your entire family. I miss you, I love you, and I really wish you didn't have to go.

the byzantium test

You are a principled independent with a dark side. 

Your responses indicate a desire to escape from your troubles, and a fear that this action will destroy what you’ve already achieved. These conflicting emotions sometimes cause you to be abnormally irritable and impatient when your needs are not met. 

Your concentration is also impacted, often leaving you feeling groggy or agitated. The ensuing anxiety usually leaves you feeling vulnerable. As a result, you become less affectionate with people you care about. You occasionally become caustic and even needlessly cruel. 

 This stems from your own insecurity and fear of failure. Leveraging your ability to remain strong in the face of adversity — an ability you’ve proved to possess in the past — is the key to your emotional satisfaction. 

 You have a strong opinion of your own abilities, which is deserved. You are sharp and intellectually discerning when the need arises. In times of great stress, you have the will power to make difficult decisions. 

byzantiumtests.com

Of expectations and the unexpected

“We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectation aren’t met, but sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. you’ve got to wonder why we cling to our expectations because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing still, the expected’s just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives.”

- Grey's Anatomy

of life and love.

Communication. Trust. Commitment. Compromise. Respect.

Still learning to be a better person. Still trying to be a better person. Still failing.

One step at a time.

we are all made of stardust.

“The most astounding fact, the most astounding fact is the knowledge that the atoms that comprise life on earth - the atoms that make up the human body, are traceable to the crucibles that cooked light elements into heavy elements in their core under extreme temperatures and pressures. These stars- the high mass ones among them- went unstable in their later years- they collapsed and then exploded- scattering their enriched guts across the galaxy- guts made of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, and all the fundamental ingredients of life itself. These ingredients become part of gas clouds that condense, collapse, form the next generation of solar systems- stars with orbiting planets. And those planets now have the ingredients for life itself. 

So that when I look up at the night sky, and I know that yes we are part of this universe, we are in this universe, but perhaps more important than both of those facts is that the universe is in us. When I reflect on that fact, I look up- many people feel small, ‘cause their small and the universe is big. But I feel big because my atoms came from those stars.

That’s a level of connectivity. That’s really what you want in life, you want to feel connected, you want to feel relevant. You want to feel like you’re a participant in the goings on and activities and events around you. That’s precisely what we are, just by being alive.”

6 years later

Always have, always will. 

Choose life.

"So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers, all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person, but that's going to change, I'm going to change. This is the last of this sort of thing. I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you: the job, the family, the fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die."