itsladylazarus

My last show for 2009 closes tomorrow, and then I'll probably be taking a quick break before rehearsals start for my next show so here's my annual retrospection post, 2 days early. Happy New Year everyone, hope 2009 was as kickass for you as it was for me, and here's to a good 2010 (:

"I can't wait for 2009. Payback for the hell of a 2008- 2009's gonna be a good year, I can feel it. (:"

- 27th December 2008

Dear 2009,

Wow. That's the only word that my (lack of) grey matter can conjure up to summarise what you've given to me.

A year ago I wrote that 2009 had better kick ass to make up for the hell that was 2008 and boy has it kicked some serious ass. Despite the ups and downs that life will never fail to throw your way, it has been a wonderful year. I would say this has been one of the best years of my life so far in terms of how much fun I had, and in terms of how much I have grown.

Realising that what I wanted was not a typical university education; fighting to pursue my dreams and struggling to prove (to myself more than anything) that this is what I really want; opportunities finding their way to me (for which I am incredible thankful for); seeing doors open before my very eyes despite being but a lowly undergrad. It's so amazing to find myself having a completely manageable time at school despite my significant lack of brain power for the first time in my life. And there has definitely been a higher power at work in terms of the opportunities I've been given in my career this year- the number of steps I've taken upward in less than a year is something I never dreamed of. Working with companies I've never worked with before and screwing up so many times and being humbled and learning so much. I have never been more blessed despite being less appreciative and for that I am grateful.

And I couldn't have done anything without the incredible people that have been there every step of the way, old, new, or sustained. People who never judge or condemn but instead choose to be my source of support and safety net despite our crazy perpetually clashing schedules. People I met only this year but have been there for me nonetheless; my lovely crazy AM3A homies, people from all my productions this year- people who have become family, and people who've been every step of the way.

This year, I made only one resolution- I will not get my heart broken. I had only one resolution, and still I broke it. But I learnt so much- about myself, about people, about manipulation and trust and how to heal. I used to think every heartbreak breaks you a little more, but now I realise it makes you stronger. I lived and I learnt and it's an experience I don't regret.

My eyes have really been opened up to how cruel people can be this year- I realised how little I actually knew about people and the world. I would say the most important thing I've learnt this year is how to choose my battles wisely. The world is not a kind place, but with a little wisdom (and selective ignorance), things become a hell lot more tolerable. It has been a long and hard journey and I don't know what is going to happen next,but whatever it is, I know that it will not take me down and that's all I need to know. Tolerance and patience are not my strong suits, but I have been repeatedly tested this year (and failed many a time) and for that I am infinitely humbled.

I guess my response to 2009 can be summarised with a big fat 'Thank you' to the many people who have made this year fabulous and unforgettable in every way. Here's a tribute to an incredible 2009 , and to a smashing 2010. You certainly have a lot to live up to.

S.