More and more I find that most of the pain I experience is self-inflicted.
Like being tired at work because I stayed up until 4am the night before doing absolutely nothing productive.
Like falling sick because I secretly eat too much crap.
Like not getting well because I take care of people more than myself.
Like feeling inadequate because I allow myself to feel that way.
Like torturing myself by reading your Tumblr over and over again.
I should be happy. Right? I have so much to be thankful for.
But yet I keep finding myself overwhelmed by sadness at the most unexplainable moments, and it sucks me dry and drains me of everything I have. I don't know how to make it stop. And it's getting harder to hide and make up reasons when people ask why I'm quiet, or listless, or sad.
How do you make someone understand the feeling of being not good enough until they've experienced what it means to feel like they're not good enough the same way I do?
You would think I would know better than to let inadequacy and pointless sadness continue to eat me up at the grand ol' age of 25 and 7.5 months but sometimes I feel like I never quite outgrew the pressures of being 16, sitting at the back of the classroom wishing I were
cooler
smarter
more talented
less lazy
prettier
skinnier
more confident
more extroverted
more genuine
less scared.
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