musings

I used to be much more active on social media, and also much more vocal about unhappiness in my relationship.

I definitely used to be one of those passive aggressive asshole tweeters who would tweet indirect stabs at my significant other (who would be following me on said social media platform lol) but over the years I guess I grew up and realised I wasn't doing anybody any favours with my childish dramatics.

Not only is it unhealthy and breeds a lot of resentment within the relationship, but it also resulted in a lot of dissent between my significant other and my friends/family. After all, when you constantly portray your significant other as an asshole, you can't really blame your friends/family for hating him right?

So I stopped. I started to understand the value of making my partner look the best version of himself, instead of the complete opposite.

I learnt to address issues directly and calmly and rationally put my feelings and thoughts into words to express myself properly and in a healthy manner.

But more importantly, it also taught me to directly seek the counsel of friends in difficult situations.

And the upside is that instead of talking to myself on social media where people only hear my side of the story and don't get to ask questions, and nobody can call me out if I'm being unfair or being obstinate and childish, when I'm forced to talk to an actual person (and my friends are mostly super impartial and non-side-taking), they call me out on my unacceptable behaviour and try to help me see things from an alternative perspective and to see where I might be going wrong myself.

It keeps me accountable, keeps me in check and forces me not to abuse my feminine wiles (lol) to get my way.

After being brutally called out on my shit many times later (and many fights with my friends lol), I can quite confidently say now that I don't delude myself and obstinately insist I'm right all the time anymore cos it'll just be a waste of time cos I'll eventually get called out for it anyway.

As much as I hate to admit it, I've probably become a better person for it.

So I guess today's moment of gratitude is that I have a best friend who is the ultimate call-me-out-on-my-shit Queen, doesn't indulge my misbehavior, doesn't let me get away with any bratty behavior and is essentially my Feelings Police to make sure I don't become so self-indulgent that I become an all out princess terrorist.

Its really not often you find someone who cares enough about you that she would deliberately do something she knows you would fight over and risk your friendship if it means doing the right thing for your growth as a human being.

(I do the same thing for her by the way, we're brutally honest with each other and my God have we fought about all of it but at the end of the day I know it's really just cos we mean that much to each other.)

And I'm thankful for it.