random acts of kindness.

Being at the reservoir always clears my head. 

Last night I walked from my place to the reservoir, as I have done many times over. Sat there listening to music, thinking about things. What to do with my life, what I want out of this life. Where my life is going. If that is where I want my life to go. How to be a better person. How to get to where I want to be. 

I lost track of time and at about 2am a 20-something guy tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was okay. He said it was not normal for a girl to be sitting alone at the reservoir at that hour; he thought I might have been there to kill myself. I laughed. He asked if I needed to talk. 

I ended up pouring my heart out to a complete stranger for the next hour and a half. 

Sometimes it is so much easier to talk to a stranger. No judgement. No preconceived notions. No prior understanding or biasness. 

And he just listened. "I hope you find what you're looking for. It will get better." A smile. And then he walked me to the main road and left. 

I never even got his name. 

Random acts of kindness and humanity.... you never how much they can help. 

There's always someone who cares. 

you see the light that I can’t see

Oh baby, my baby,

You’ve held me

through many broken hearts

And maybe, just maybe

You can fix all my broken parts

And you took me by surprise

When you took my hand

And you with your dark brown eyes

You see the light that I can’t see

You see the light in me.

(x)

who you are.

I have so many backdated posts, posts saved under drafts, posts written in my Notes app or Evernote on my phone that never actually wind up being posted on here... Funny how things change. Once upon a time I was that girl who updated her Livejournal/Tumblr/Blogspot 5 times a day each and now I've become the girl who would rather sit on what she really feels rather than to be judged for wearing her heart on her sleeve.

When I started this blog I wrote 7 posts in the first 10 days. 21 in the next month. Now I write one post a month. 2 if I'm feeling particularly adventurous.

After one too many cases of people getting fired/splashed all over the news for expressing themselves a bit too freely on the Internet, the painfully practical little old lady who lives in my head nagging me all day is rejoicing that I am no longer that girl that just might get herself into trouble one day for the things she says.

But is learning to watch yourself necessarily a sign of growing up? Or just a sign that you're growing cold? Cynical, maybe?

When did I become ashamed of my own thoughts?

i love you, goodbye.

08/06/1923 - 21/10/2012

I'm glad you got to witness at least one more milestone in my life. I hope you're proud of me. You should be very proud of how you've raised your entire family. I miss you, I love you, and I really wish you didn't have to go.

the byzantium test

You are a principled independent with a dark side. 

Your responses indicate a desire to escape from your troubles, and a fear that this action will destroy what you’ve already achieved. These conflicting emotions sometimes cause you to be abnormally irritable and impatient when your needs are not met. 

Your concentration is also impacted, often leaving you feeling groggy or agitated. The ensuing anxiety usually leaves you feeling vulnerable. As a result, you become less affectionate with people you care about. You occasionally become caustic and even needlessly cruel. 

 This stems from your own insecurity and fear of failure. Leveraging your ability to remain strong in the face of adversity — an ability you’ve proved to possess in the past — is the key to your emotional satisfaction. 

 You have a strong opinion of your own abilities, which is deserved. You are sharp and intellectually discerning when the need arises. In times of great stress, you have the will power to make difficult decisions. 

byzantiumtests.com

Of expectations and the unexpected

“We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectation aren’t met, but sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. you’ve got to wonder why we cling to our expectations because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing still, the expected’s just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives.”

- Grey's Anatomy

of life and love.

Communication. Trust. Commitment. Compromise. Respect.

Still learning to be a better person. Still trying to be a better person. Still failing.

One step at a time.

we are all made of stardust.

“The most astounding fact, the most astounding fact is the knowledge that the atoms that comprise life on earth - the atoms that make up the human body, are traceable to the crucibles that cooked light elements into heavy elements in their core under extreme temperatures and pressures. These stars- the high mass ones among them- went unstable in their later years- they collapsed and then exploded- scattering their enriched guts across the galaxy- guts made of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, and all the fundamental ingredients of life itself. These ingredients become part of gas clouds that condense, collapse, form the next generation of solar systems- stars with orbiting planets. And those planets now have the ingredients for life itself. 

So that when I look up at the night sky, and I know that yes we are part of this universe, we are in this universe, but perhaps more important than both of those facts is that the universe is in us. When I reflect on that fact, I look up- many people feel small, ‘cause their small and the universe is big. But I feel big because my atoms came from those stars.

That’s a level of connectivity. That’s really what you want in life, you want to feel connected, you want to feel relevant. You want to feel like you’re a participant in the goings on and activities and events around you. That’s precisely what we are, just by being alive.”

6 years later

Always have, always will. 

Choose life.

"So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers, all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person, but that's going to change, I'm going to change. This is the last of this sort of thing. I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you: the job, the family, the fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die."

6 things 20-somethings want

1. To own books. To have an apartment that houses an overstuffed bookcase overflowing with fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, cookbooks, self-help, and cheesy romance novels. Underneath the windowsill overlooking the city, there will sit a leather lounge chair that you picked up at an antique store or yard sale. Here, you will sit and read all your wonderful books.

2. To be loved. By friends, family, men and women. To never be alone on a Friday night. You’ll host book club meetings in your apartment and show off your overflowing bookcase. You’ll do yoga on Tuesdays. You’ll take art history classes for fun. You’ll go on dates. When your world falls apart, you’ll always have someone to call for support. A loving soul will always be there to congratulate you on your accomplishments, give you a massage after a long day, hook that difficult bracelet latch around your wrist that you can never get on your own, and of course, tell you you’re beautiful.

3. To own a unique pet, like a cockatiel or miniature pig. To have a doorman who knows your name. On rainy days, you’ll attempt to watch all the classic movies you never watched when you were younger. You’ll call your mom every Sunday. You’ll write poetry for fun. You’ll read the New York Times at your local coffee joint and attempt to do the Sunday crossword puzzles. The barista will know your order without having to ask. One day, you’ll give up coffee for green tea, but what’s the rush?

4. To be successful. To receive invitations to fashion shows and art gallery openings, but only attend them selectively. To write beautiful things to fall upon the eyes of beautiful people. Your feet will be your main form of transportation. You’ll be the most fashionable person at the office. During lunch breaks, you’ll get lost in Barnes & Noble. You’ll call your boss by his or her first name and sometimes, when a deadline is approaching, you’ll shoot each other a text. You’ll have health insurance and a retirement plan.

5. To do something crazy — like move to China — and then blame it on a fleeting youth. To eat pizza in Rome. To accumulate frequent flyer miles. To, every once in awhile, fly first class.

6. To, one day, reread these hopes and desires, smiling at the things that came to fruition, and wondering what happened to those that didn’t.

(Source)

live life

I set this as my new iPhone lock screen recently and I think that's a mantra I really want to start living by. 

I've been feeling a bit aimless lately and I couldn't quite pinpoint the reason why. I just brushed it off as adjusting to full-time working life but even then I couldn't really fully convince myself that that was true given how I've never really stopped working since I started in this industry in 2009. Now that school's done, I think I need to set some new goals for myself- not just career goals or tangible material aims that would somehow signify some sort of growth in social stature, but some personal goals.

This double life is getting a bit exhausting to keep up. I think it's about time to face up to all the stupid decisions of my youth that I have made in my life, accept the consequences and start living the way I ultimately want to live, and not just hope to live. I think I am ready to change my life. I've always had this ideal standard that I would like to live by but never really had the courage to try to achieve it because it just felt like too much effort to have to try to change the way I live. I guess a part of it comes down to not wanting to put myself in a position where I risk failure. I hate failing. Who does? But avoiding new things so that I don't put myself in a position where I could possibly fail, while juvenile, seems to be my coping mechanism more often than not. Eeeks.

It occurred to me recently that just because some things are a habit, it doesn't mean that that's the best I can do. Neither is it the best for me. Just because some things are the way they have been for as long as I can remember, it doesn't mean it's right. I need to learn to stop taking comfort in worldly matters and things of the earth, but to focus on the life I want for myself in the long term. And to work towards that, no matter how long and hard the road is, how much judgement I will get for it, or how many people I lose in the process.

Baby steps, until I get to where I want to be, and become the person I want to be. A person I would be proud of. 

Calvin Klein x Macy's

Francisco Costa, Calvin Klein x Macy's

Can I just say that I really really love them shoes, and that second black dress? WANT. 

almost a year older but still struggling to move on.

Forget yourself.

Forget who you are when you are with him. Forget the unwilling relationship he had imposed on you, leave all the traces of his negativity behind you. Forget how happy he made you feel, likewise remember how stupid you felt when you believed him. Forget being forgiving, how he was the only person to have broken your trust more than enough times and yet, stick to him undeservingly so. Forget being noble, for sticking to a person who doesn’t deserve you. For thinking that maybe you both could do good in each other’s lives. Forget being idealistic, how he managed to corrupt your mind that something can overcome all trivialities: something called love (platonic or otherwise). Forget being mad and mean, a consequence of being in a place wrought out of lies.

Forget who you are when you are with him and find yourself in a place rid of any trace of him. Forget everything and start in a better place.

(Source)

i am worth it

Sometimes, new love means breaking old habits. Sometimes you find yourself more at ease in relationships defined by inconsistency, anger, irreconcilable jealousy, and neglect, simply because that is what you have grown used to over the years. You grow complacent with the misery and heartache. Most importantly, you give up on yourself. When something accessible, consistent, warm, and altogether incredible comes into the picture, sometimes the hardest step is taking a deep breath, letting go of your tattered past, and taking that risk with something new — all the while repeating to yourself, “I’m worth it, I’m worth it, I’m worth it…”


(Source)

back again

Whoa it's been exactly a month since I've been back here... time passes crazy fast. This last month has been an insanely intense whirlwind of rushing to finish the zillion final year assignments that somehow popped up alongside my procrastination to drown me together with my thesis, doing a somewhat half-fucked job and no longer caring, juggling that with full-time work as well as my side projects and I'm just glad I survived, to be honest. I have never been more sleep deprived and exhausted, but I'm also really super proud of myself for seeing it all through and not giving up on any of these things halfway.

Most importantly, my little company with D & E pulled off our first production in late April/early May and I can't quite believe we did it and it's over just like that. Sales were a little on the slow side but we got glowing reviews and most importantly, our name got out and I am so so excited for what is to come. This is just the beginning!

Full time work has been just as fulfilling, we kicked off May with 2 back to back concerts and the rest of the year looks like it's gonna be just as busy. I know of so many people who are having trouble finding work or adjusting to working life and I realise that I am so bloody lucky to have been working long enough to have had trouble with neither.

It is at times like these when I truly understand how blessed I am for the people I have around me. For tolerating all my crankiness and snappiness, for all the opportunities and support, for all the prayers I don't even know I am being covered in. Especially my very awesome cell group who constantly text and fb to ask if I'm doing good and tell me they are praying for me even when I miss cell/church because of work. Super blessed!

I know I constantly lament being lonely and not having anyone and how I hate how people move on so easily and how I slowly get phased out of people's lives or prioritized over but at the end of the day, it's not about being busy or being single, but it's about the effort you put in, and whether or not this effort is reciprocated. New friends with more love to give are bound to take the place of those who were never truly there in the first place. And friendships that I know are forever are still holding strong despite distance/time/schedules. And that's all a girl really needs.

My education may have ended, but my learning journey has just begun... and I really cannot wait. Here goes nothing :)

Random gift from dad / Cityscapes / In hopes of love and luck

where do i begin

"Upon realizing you no longer love you ex, you wait for the familiar rush of nausea, but it doesn’t come. Pause and consider this. Why not? This is, after all, the person who put you in an emotional coma for what felt like forever, who is borderline responsible for the subtraction of thirty pounds and probably as many years off your life, judging by the endless cigarette cartons and liquor bottles that are still turning up around the apartment. How can you think about this person, this person you signed away your heart to and who once meant the world to you, and suddenly, inexplicably, feel nothing at all?”

Scary how 1/4 of the year has just gone by like that. Too fast!

"As a kid, I used to believe that my beliefs would never change. Now that I’m older, I believe they’ll never stop changing. And I believe that’s what growing up is all about."

How To Become The Person You Want To Be

"You’re missing something. You’re watching everything pass you by and it’s making you anxious but you’re not quite sure how to catch up. A small part of you doesn’t even want to catch up. You’ve become comfortable in your complacency, comfortable in your own mistakes. Your slip ups have become some kind of solace. They’re yours to keep. Flaws have become some sick substitute for a relationship and you take them to bed with you.

You’re too young to be completely happy. You’re currently living your lost years and even though it’s taking you down, you’re not ready for the alternative. Something that no one likes to admit is that it sort of feels good to screw up. You don’t think you know exactly what you’re doing? You can pretend to be naive to spare everyone else’s feelings but let’s not get confused: you’re in control here. Every step of the way.

That is, until you’re not. The thing about being a mess is that you eventually do lose control. The self-destructive spiral you’ve been orchestrating gets ripped away from you and put in the hands of something much bigger. Then you’re f***ed. Then you’re going to be saying “JK! Take me back to the land of stability and normalcy! I’m done living my lost years. Now I just would like to be found!”

Your life is precarious. When you were in high school and college, you treated your mortality like it was a crappy purse. You stomped on it, broke a strap, let a vodka bottle spill out and ruin the leather. You did all of this believing it would all be repaired while you were sleeping, and it usually was. You reach a point, however, when the leather stays torn, when the piece of crap bag becomes beaten beyond repair. Simply put, you have to take a more proactive role in maintaining your happiness and well-being. You’re not just someone watching their own life from afar. You’re in it now. And if you don’t take care of it, it will fall to pieces.

This is how someone becomes the person they want to be. They make changes. They stop taking those pills, clutching those drinks, and start deleting those numbers in their phone that might as well be daggers. They take responsibility for themselves. This might sound so minor but something you all must know by now is that we’re often our own worst enemy. We can’t blame something on a lack of self-awareness. We’re all aware, which makes it that much harder when we see ourselves making the same mistakes. We often wonder why we do the things we do. But we already know why. Knowing and doing are two different things though. I know that x, y, and z make me unhappy but I guess, in the end, I just don’t care enough to make changes. You can’t force yourself to care. You need to reach a point where you DO care which can take a long time.

But once you do reach it, there’s no going back. Being a broken mess is a blast at 19 but once you’re old enough to know better and start to make those necessary changes, returning to that state will feel awful. That’s something to actually mourn. There’s a certain kind of beauty with being reckless with your body and mind. Closing the chapter on that and actively becoming the person you’re going to be feels great but it’s also a tad bittersweet. Sometimes you want to go back to being the person you were before all the bad stuff happened, but you know that’s impossible. So you just bid adieu to that time and look towards your future. (FYI, it looks super bright.)"

(Source)

In the shadows of the night the tears come and my heart aches and as I pretend to not care I no longer know who to blame.

I don't think about it, I don't talk about it, I don't ask about it not because I don't care but with the hope that one day I will I forget how it feels like but though memories fade they still ache like a phantom limb that your body forgets is no longer there. I keep thinking that maybe if I can block it out maybe I can forget everything maybe one day I'll find myself waking up and that year and a half in my life will come up a complete blank and I will not remember a single thing that transpired and have no idea how I got to today.

Do you really understand why I don't want anything to do with you? Not because I cannot forgive you, or because I no longer love you, but because the pain of betrayal becomes a constant and the worries become a constant and the mistrust is constant and I don't even want to think about how to handle all of that.

Does it not make sense to leave it be? If we leave the pieces be no one will get hurt any more than you can hurt yourself but the more you try to pick them up and the more you try to fix them back together the more you will get cut. Do you not understand that there is a less painful option?

Is it so wrong to choose the less painful path after everything I have been through? Is it so wrong to be a coward and not want to remember? Is it so wrong to not want to feel like a bad person so I pretend that I don't remember? Is it so wrong to have my best interests at heart? So why do you make me feel like it is?

(You don't have a goddamn right to make me feel this way, but just like everything you've put me through, it is evident that it doesn't matter whether or not you have a right to. In your mind you have a right to do anything you want.)

I've spent all this time trying to think of how to make it better for you what's the best way to help you understand how to help you to move on and I've put all this effort into trying to save you and trying to think of what's best for you to pick up your pieces but at the end of the day who's to save me? Who's to help me understand? Who's going to have my best interests at heart?

I keep thinking- maybe if I forget, then I can claim my life back.

I am really, really tired.

sun sand sea

Tanjong Beach Club, Sentosa.

om nom nom

Some recent instagrammed food:

Spiced apple quinoa granola + raspberry yoghurt, homemade

Big breakfast + truffle fries + soy cappuccino, 40 Hands

Mushroom egg white bell pepper wrap + soy cappuccino, Starbucks

Donna's chicken apricot sandwich + latte, Starbuck's

Tuna olive pasta salad + edamame, homemade

may the odds be ever in your favor

Yesterday I picked up my iPad and carelessly flicked to my iBooks app, and right there, open, was the first book in the Hunger Games series. Next thing I know, 6 hours had passed, it was 4.30am and I had re-read the entire Hunger Games trilogy.

I love the Hunger Games series for one reason- Katniss Everdeen. She is an accidental, and unwilling heroine, and every choice she made was an inherent reaction to something. It was always circumstantial, and it was never her choice, never up to her. That's what sets the Hunger Games series apart from other fantasy novels. There isn't that moment of awakening of inner nobility, that turning point where she makes that decision to be all heroic and shit (well up until she decides to be the mockingjay at least, but even then it was to honour her promise to protect Peeta over anything), she just reacts to what circumstances she finds herself in. It's the survival instinct, the need to protect the ones she loves that really really gnaws at me long after I'm done reading the books. 

More importantly, she has this ability to separate her emotion from doing what is practical. This sounds so ridiculous but it's comforting. Her strength, despite the pain. I probably sound really silly considering she's a fictional character but if she were real I would really, really respect her so much. Plus the fact that she is human, she has nightmares long after the war is over, that things don't just go back to normal. She struggles, and she breaks, and there are moments where she thinks she is going mad, but she stays strong.

Infragilis et tenera- delicate but unbreakable. That about sums up why the Hunger Games series means so much to me. Here's hoping the movie doesn't ruin it for me. 

you.

What happens when the only one you really want is the one you can't have?

infinity.

t minus 11 days

"I like drinking coffee alone and reading alone. I like riding the bus alone and walking home alone. It gives me time to think and set my mind free. I like eating alone and listening to music alone. But when I see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with their best friend, I realize that even though I like being alone, I don’t fancy being lonely. The sky is beautiful, but the people are sad. I just need someone who won’t run away."

Ellie Saab Pre-Fall RTW 2012

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SUCH BEAUTIFUL DRAPING AND CLEAN LINES??! My jaw literally dropped when I saw this collection, it is so incredibly sleek and beautiful. Brb, figuring out how to become this skinny and find someone to marry so that I can wear something like this for my wedding.

And since we're on the topic of clothes, I really really want Nike's The Destroyer varsity jacket. SO BADLY. It is so perfect and is literally exactly what I've been looking for. It is also literally exactly 399 euros. Will someone please get this for me? Someone? Please? Santa? Tooth fairy...? 

... no? Damn.

WTB

the Herschel Supply Co's Little America in black cotton canvas

guard your heart

"I miss you." 
"I have a fear of losing you."
"I am sorry."
"Are you okay?"
"I meant every word."
"You're not okay."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I love you."

All just words.

I'll tell you what's gonna happen: you'll win me over, you'll make me fall for you, and then you'll screw me over and leave me and I'll fall apart. What's new, right?

I should just do us both a favour and walk away now. Save us both the hurt and heartache and drama.

Save myself.

the end is hurt

Hello world.

It has been a while since I have written anything substantial. I didn't realise how much the lack of writing had affected me until I recently discovered that I could no longer piece my words together, string my thoughts into comprehensible sentences, find the right words to say everything that was on the tip of my tongue that I could not quite express. Somewhere along the line I lost my ability to write properly, and I turned into one of those people who post tumblr-like photos and random lines from songs and nothing of much value, really.

It is quite sad to see how far I have fallen off the academic track. Don't get me wrong- I like what I am doing and it is in no way easier than anything my more academically-inclined friends are doing in law school, or med school, or business school. If anything, it is probably a lot harder work, but I love production. I love seeing everything come together and I get an unexplainable buzz from watching a show or production or concert that I know I played a part in putting together. Production week is the most exhausting, but it is also the happiest and most fun week in the entire process. But on the other hand I see people stacking up their diplomas and degrees and applying for exchange programmes and masters programmes and I wish I were them for the sole reason that I feel like I need to prove that I could have done that too. And then I think of how disinterested I have become in school as it is despite how it is already arts-related, and I shudder to think of how painful being in a business course or mass comm. course would have been and I thank God that I was bullheaded enough to insist on going to art school.

I am pretty sure at the end of the day when it comes down to survival in the real world I would be a lot more well-adjusted and adapted, but it doesn't stop me from wishing I had a bit more brain. I get that I am not as smart as some other people, but it also gets sickening watching people assume that I am in LASALLE not because I actually genuinely like what I am doing, but because I couldn't have made it somewhere else. And of course, like everyone who claims they could, no one believes me and I feel like maybe I should have just gone the academic route and proved myself there before switching to a more unconventional and non-conformist route. Which would have been nothing but an epic waste of time and money and at the end of the day it would have all been just to give myself an ego trip and to slap it in the faces of naysayers. What an asshole that would have made me.

It is quite sad how I let things like these affect me and make me second-guess the choices I make. I am happy with the direction my life is taking, but I cannot stop this second-guessing in spite of me being 100% sure that this is what I want to do with me life and it really annoys me.

On a separate note, I was thinking about the direction my personal life is taking and I realised that my biggest problem is that I am not happy being happy.

I have never believed in 'deserving' anything. I do not subscribe to the school of thought that says that because I have been a good person, with good intentions, and I work hard to get to where I am right now, I therefore deserve to be here. I do not subscribe to this because life has taught me more than once that karma does not pay. I can work as hard as I want to and I can put in a lot more effort as I should be putting in and at the end of the day, I find myself nowhere near where I am 'supposed', by society's standards, to be. Not because I am not a good enough, or honest enough, or long-suffering enough person, but simply because life sucks that way.

I am not being obstinate- I know enough of the world to know that life doesn’t always go the way you want it to be, and I have stopped wishing for it a long time ago. But for once, just this once, I wish that I could be happy being happy and not be happy with this little nagging feeling at the back of my head that forebodes impending doom.

Wa, so dramatic.

I have a 6-week break from work coming up in a bit, and as much as this spells financial disaster, I am also quite excited for the time off. Things on my to-do list: catch up on sleep, start properly working on my thesis and finish it and finally be done with school, spend some time chilling and getting a nice tan, hit the gym and get my old body back, catch up on my frivolous TV programmes and movies waiting for me in my hard disk, have some time to pamper myself with massages, pedicures, a dye job maybe? Blow the dust off my cameras and do some proper shooting, read my massive stack of books that are still in their shrink wrapping, restring the guitar and maybe start singing again? 6 weeks sounds so long but I am sure it would be over in a flash, and then I graduate and then who knows what happens next.

NEED TO OWN THIS RING

about 8 years too late

"You know of the few people I regret being on the bad side of, I think the one that I regret the most was the one that cost me the chance to go out with you."

Why is it only in retrospect that people regret what they could have had? 

So silly to not have treasured it when you had the chance to, no?

some random thoughts

1. I am really craving eggs benedict on a bed of smoked salmon with home style fries on the side. Like this.

2. I love my hair right now.

3. Holy shit I'm sleepy.

Off to school!

 

so bloody cute wtf  ♡♡♡

why relationships turn me into such a raging bitch

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

my current desktop wallpaper

moving on

"Moving on is like this: one day you forget the taste. The next, you forget the smell. Then the touch. Then the laugh. Then the smile. Then the jokes. Then the eyes, the hair, the hands, the feet. You forget the socks. You forget the fingers, the toes, the sex. You forget the pulses, the beats, the rhythms and how you sometimes felt like they all belonged to you. You forget the words; finally, you forget the voice that spoke them. Moving on is like one day, you’re walking or reading or drinking the sun and one of those footprints, one of those artifacts will creep into your consciousness, “already seen,” the French call this, déjà vu, and you won’t know where it belongs or how it got there. All it takes is a familiar laugh, a recognizable word and you are transported to who knows where. You are a confused paleontologist now, scrambling to make sense of things left behind, trying to reunite the right dinosaur with the right bones. The scar from his burst appendix goes here, the part of his leg that doesn’t grow hair belongs there, I think this is his morning breath but maybe it belongs to someone who came before him; some other ghost, some other relic. His taste is an aftertaste now, his crow’s feet a souvenir with no place to call home. That’s what moving on is like.

Moving on is not to destroy or to combust or to set ablaze, it is simply to move, to advance through space and time, to leave behind the familiar dull of heartbreak for the new, the unknown, the strange. Moving on is a bird flying south for the winter who decides maybe the warmth isn’t so bad, who decides maybe he’ll stay there for awhile; moving on is like freedom, is what moving on is like."

(Source)

wise words to live by

"Swallow the pride, bind the ego, douse the anger, release the hate, minimize the goodbye’s, amend the regrets, and hold on as tight as you can to what you love."

day and night

sleeping at 6am and waking up at noon / 6 hour marathon meetings

Everyone seems to have such big plans and high hopes for 2012, and I am realising (perhaps a little bit belatedly) that I have many fingers in many pies. Financial crisis? What financial crisis? Business everywhere seems to be booming, which means nothing but ten times more work for me. Not that I am complaining. But at the rate I'm going, I'm gonna need a reeeeeeally long holiday at the end of the year. I just have to keep reminding myself to pace my energy and not burn out halfway.

 Spent the weekend being a nocturnal animal, I must admit I very much prefer being active at night as compared to the day. It is so much quieter, so much cooler and it's generally much less frustrating. I cannot function in the heat and stickiness of day time Singapore- I get put on edge and become all fidgety and awkward. Being alive at night also means plenty of late night heart to hearts with friends... I have so much to think about.

I have many many years ahead of me. Why so serious?

Goodnight cupcakes :) x

Does anyone know where this is from? I want no, NEED this!!!

"A few times in my life I’ve had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh.

I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments.

They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be."

- Tom Ford,  A Single Man

hello 2012

Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering 'it will be happier'...
- Alfred Lord Tennyson

Live. Laugh. Love. Regret nothing.

Happy 2012 everyone x