in my bones

the madness i make
noughts and exes

you and I we’re the same dear, both alike in our pain here
as to who takes the blame we fight
lightning strikes the same place here, tired of living the same shit
though the cover looks great, it’s not.

find me love

this is falling apart we seem to tear at the heart here
why is something I’d die for killing me
keep your chin up it’s ok, people say just be happy
how can love find a way when I’m way off

find me love, hide me love

and the call of my name in the darkness where I hide away
cries aloud begs me near, lulling me from the madness I make
Where the warmth of my woes keeps me company as they corrode
I’m, in time, torn asunder, left to gather myself and repose
All the lines that I’ve flavoured with my fiction have me now entwined
And the depths that I sank to, didn’t seem very deep at the time
Now my lack becomes clearer in the light of the love that draws near
I am my own deceiver, sick of all of the shit that I’m in

save me love

and the call of my name in the darkness where I hide away
cries aloud begs me near, lulling me from the madness I make

Thanksgiving weekend

I spent Thanksgiving weekend working and sleeping in in preparation for the next 2 weeks, which are looking to be very very crazy.

I don't usually celebrate Thanksgiving (save for the annual wonderfully delicious dinner at a family friend's, that I didn't make this year :( ), but it's been hell of a year and at the end of the day I've still managed to find enough reason to be thankful. That's pretty incredible.

This year has been both beautiful and painful. For what I've witnessed, everything I've learnt and everything I've lost. One last month to 2011, I am determined to make this year worth everything I've been through so far. Here goes nothing.

Until then, I'll just keep my mouth shut and not risk anything we know.

"I've tried to fight it, and I've tried to deny it, and I can't. I can't do it. You're undeniable."

Has it really been almost a week since I last posted? Time passes by way too quickly these days.

I have so much to say sometimes I feel like my heart is going to explode. So much on the tip of my tongue but I cannot and will not force them out...

I was having a conversation with D and XX yesterday and we reached a common consensus- 'When you like someone, somehow or another your instinctive reaction is to try your hardest to make that person jealous. It's always the same.' How true, how true.

What to do what to do what to do. Too much to face up to, so much that my heart cannot handle. I promised myself I'd face up to it before the year is up and yet here I am, 5 days away from December and still pretending it does not exist.

Christmas is coming. Wallets are emptied. Happiness is multiplied. Loneliness is amplified.

And it's even worse when the one that you want is so near yet so far.

Hurhurrrrr I sound so melancholic. Life is actually perfectly peachy.

weekend adventures

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some visuals from my weekend, which consisted of: Extremely erratic weather / surprise visit at the office from Xj with the most adorable Hello Kitty balloon in tow / stuffing myself silly at a Korean food tasting / ice cream at midnight / shooting at Marina Barrage with T / burgers and tiramisu and the Arsenal match at Modesto's / losing to D 5-3 at pool / washing her car at 1am as a result / invading Toys R Us to re-live our childhood / Sunset Grill with the classmates to torture ourselves with Level 35 buffalo wings.

I don't think my tummy likes me very much now.

Is it really Monday already? Damn.

countdown

"Sometimes we live like we have forever.

We have long cold wars.

We fight and don't make peace.

We put off talking about the important things till the next day or week or month.

But out there reality is otherwise.

There are babies who can't breathe without a ventilator.

Little kids with an expiry date on their kidneys.

Cancers that eat away at life savings and family members.

Ex-smokers who fucked up their lungs so bad they can't go two sentences without coughing, or heart failure patients whose hearts are so weak they can't lie down flat at night cos it floods their lungs and they can't breathe.

We don't have infinity.

Every moment counts.

What don't you get?"

(Source)

You wanna know when I know I've met someone who really gets me, and really knows me well enough to know what I want?

It's when I meet someone who thinks proposing to me with a grape flavored ring pop is completely mad, but does it anyway just because it would make me laugh until I ache. And then presents me with a sparkly diamond anyway cos they know I really actually do want a real ring.

That's when I'll know.

 

Everything in these scans is perfect.

The importance of marrying someone good looking.

I don't feel anything anymore.

I don't feel any resentment for people I don't like, I'd rather just walk away from a situation and let people forget me than to be fucked to muster up the energy for a confrontation and to be angry with people, the prospect of a good night out doesn't excite me, happiness is so... fleeting. I can't remember the last time I was genuinely excited. Like really heart-quietly-thumping-in-anticipation kind of excited, not just wow-omg-yay excitement. 

I can't remember the last time I felt any depth of emotion. 

I feel like I'm just existing, and surely that can't be a good way to live life.

take me away

hello there.

bedroom visuals

I've been seriously neglecting my camera lately...

I should either be studying or replying work emails right now but to be honest neither work nor my readings hold any appeal when it's pouring outside and all I want to do is sleep.

Work has been ridiculously fast paced and I haven't had much time to catch up on my reading. I've had an incredibly long day at work and school and I was just about to go to bed when I decided to read a bit off my Google reader and I'm glad I did because this was what I saw....

Trish Summerville/The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo x H&M Divided.

"What will be in the new collection: leather motorcycle jackets, wool overcoat with an exaggerated hood, shredded t-shirts, long draped cardigans, shredded off-black sqin jeans, subdural studded platform boots, an oversized girl's tennis shoe in a really worn-out elephant grey colour."

Can you say holy shit? 30 piece collection, I am going to be a very very broke girl come December......

Other collaborations to look out for: Gareth Pugh for MAC and the Nicki Minaj x OPI collection, they both look A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Want Need to buy!

At the rate that I'm 'saving', my grad trip next year will be to Pulau Ubin.

Where the hell did time go?