it's 3am in the morning and having been lying on my bed for all of 3 days looking like death (think 39.4 deg c at it's peak), I really can't sleep anymore.
Of all things, I'm thinking of the great number of things in life I have missed out on.
Things that I've missed out on because of well, theatre. Theatre is a passion and it's something I take pride in doing well in. I have sacrificed a lot in life to get to where I am right now and I am willing to make even more sacrifices to get even further. But it makes me sad and guilty to recognize the price I have paid to be atypical and selfish and do what I really like instead of taking a typical business degree and having a 9-5 job. And lately I've found myself apologizing more and more when people ask me to hang out or ask me to celebrate someone's birthday and I can't because I have a show.
People have been nothing but understanding about how I put theatre above everything else (well, all except my parents, anyway) but it's not right. I should not be missing out on family dinners and birthdays, my closest friends' birthdays, engagements, weddings- milestones in their lives. I hate making it to only half of birthday parties or family dinners and having to rush off halfway. I hate how my best friends call me at night in a mess, needing someone to talk to and I have to whisper an apology and hang up on them because I'm in the middle of a show. I hate not being there for them and not being able to ease the burden.
I am not begrudging my sacrifices or regretting my choices in life; I am nothing but grateful for where these sacrifices has led me but I cannot help but wonder- how much more will theatre take from me before I say enough?
No comments:
Post a Comment