itsladylazarus

So today I was scheduled to finish rehearsal at 6pm, but it dragged to about 6.45pm. Today was also dark day for D&D. S waited for me for close to an hour, picked me up, took me to get dinner and drove us up Mount Faber for a bench picnic (complete with insect repellent) and we sat for an hour just looking at the city skyline and talking about nothing in particular and then spending some good quality time together.

Sitting there, I realised that despite all the shit I've been through because of him, I love him. I still do.

And that's not good. I deserve so much better... but I can't bring myself to want better because he's grown to mean so much to me. Can you mistake familiarity for love?

Sigh, why do I keep doing this to myself.

But it's now 2.07am and I'm going to stop thinking about this because I'm kicking myself for not doing my logbook/reflective journal earlier. And for going on a date today when I have a 1500 word RJ due tomorrow morning at 10am. Oh fuck my life my stupid choices in life.