I have no respect for guys who order their girlfriends around and expect them to do as they say. I have even lesser respect for the girls who allow themselves to be pushed around.

I don't understand why some girls are willing to throw away every inch of their self-respect, dignity and pride over a man. Is it worth throwing everything that represents all that you are away for someone who takes it and tramples all over it? Wake up sweetie, it's not worth it.

S: "I am so fed up with my family"
A: "study hard, get a stable job and then let them disown you"

sounds like a plan bbygirl

mediocre

my middle name.

blah blah blahhhhhh

I really need to get my act together and stop dicking around with my life before I lose every single good thing that has happened to me this year. Everything just landed in front of my face and working out without any of my input. And I am somewhat terrified that once I start actively doing things I will wind up messing something up because I have a tendency for doing things like that. 2008 was a shitty year and 2009 has to be a good year, if only to make up for that. It has to be.

On a separate note though, I fucking hate being thrown ultimatums it SUCKS why can't people just fucking compromise? Especially when it's their own flipping indecision in the first place that put me in this state. Just cos I have one thing does not mean I completely cannot have another. If life works the way things are now and we're okay why change things why make me choose?! Fucking retarded. Asadafdfksdafjkldsfklsf.

for J

"you can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on"
tupac shakur

best fucking piece of advice i've ever heard (from tupac no less) stop thinking about it and let it be, it will come back to you. if all else fails i'm always here. love you.

hello from Tampines

I moved to my new place over the weekend! I slept at 5am this morning in a desperate bid to unpack 11 boxes and 2 suitcases in 2 nights. (Didn't really work so I ended up flaking on breakfast plans with Andre and Louis this morning, sorry!!! ): ) Despite much h8 for the fact that the bus stop is so damn far away from my house, I am now staying 10 minutes away from bestfriend, Louisa, Andre and even Wahtat who just moved to Simei, and I'm nearer to Azy and Jing now too... all my favourite people! Plus, I finally have my own room, at the grand ol' age of 19. How rad.

Many many things to do and many people to meet in the next 3 weeks before school starts! Much as I am apprehensive about starting where I know no one I am also pretty excited.

To come:
Secret mission to secret place with A, visit L at ice cream chefs, go out with DeeLouSyl, school shopping with A, flea market prowling with S, meet up with the choirboyz, audition this Saturday (!!!!), buffet with the cellies, meet ShantiD, and I seriously,
seriously, need to start my 5 days a week hardcore gym routine again. Yesterday the Mother sidled up to me and went, "I tell you a sad news okay... you fat already leh." FML.

escapism

There are always questions in my head that I resist asking, that I suppress, to keep from being overanalytical and paranoid. But a little voice that lives in my head continually asks in a steady chant, 'What if? What if? What if?'

Btw, much love to everyone who commented or texted after my school-freakout post, it is incredibly reassuring to have people believe in me, thank you (: Also, it has just occurred to me that if everyone in my faculty turns out painfully strange, there's always poptops to meet between classes!

i am not the quiet type of girl

"does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, i never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, i never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn’t the world, it wasn’t the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, i don’t know, but it’s so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? i think and think and think, i’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it"

jonathan safran foer

Some pretty flowers from someone I adore, a cup of strong earl grey, a good book, some time to myself- that is what I really need right now. Not dusty boxes and packing tape and ingratitude and attitude and bruised limbs and forgotten fragments of my life unearthing themselves to show up in the most untimely fashion.

apprehension

I got my Lasalle welcoming letter and orientation notice today and I am suddenly kind of scared at the prospect of starting school in less than month. With the exception of A, I know absolutely nobody in Lasalle. And I barely know A as it is anyway, since I've only worked with her once. I have no idea what kind of lectures I'll be attending, what kind of workload faces me, what kind of social environment I'll be in. I have absolutely no idea what modules are compulsary and what modules are optional, I have no idea how well I need to do to advance to Year 2 and it is suddenly occurring to me how much I do not know and that is kind of freaking the shit out of me right now. I have so much to work towards and so much I want to learn and I really, honestly do want to learn so much so badly. I want to go for the SM course next year and I want to go for the TT intro course at the Esplanade and I want to learn how to do so many things and train under the best but Lasalle suddenly seems very big and ominous and scary and my dreams feel very far and out of reach and I suddenly feel very, very, small and tiny and insignificant.

this one's for you

The gate that I shut 

The last time I got hurt

Seems to have opened itself

"the inexpressible depth of music, so easy to understand and yet so inexplicable, is due to the fact that it reproduces all the emotions of our innermost being, but entirely without reality and remote from pain…music expresses only the quintessence of life and of its events, never these themselves"

arthur schopenhauer

have i told you i ache

2 new blogs I stumbled upon:

Scribble Scribbles [x]

I Wrote This For You [x] 

Honest and raw and everything I love.

resolution 101

Adding on (half a year late, I know) a number 2 to my New Year's resolutions:

1. I will not get my heart broken.

2. I will not give in to people just because they are bossier/bitchier/a better death-glarer than me anymore if they have no authority over me (ie, not my mother/boss/lecturer).