integrity + loyalty

Sometimes, against all reasonable advice, I make super high risk decisions and end up questioning my sanity and every decision I've ever made in my life, but at the end of the day I think my belief in the value of loyalty and integrity trumps logic.

It's been almost a week of nonstop dinners and outings and I desperately need some quiet me down time to unwind and not talk to anyone for a while before I head back to work tomorrow.

As much as I enjoy the festivities and cherish the opportunity to catch up with the people I pretty much see only once a year, the older I get the more I really feel like after the CNY period is over I need a vacation from the holiday season.

I'm becoming more and more of an introvert as I age and I'm honestly not sure if that's a good or bad thing.... But what I know for sure is that superficial socialising doesn't appeal to me anymore!

But above everything I do understand and treasure the family friends that we have and the bond we've built over the years, so no matter how tired or unwilling I will always make the effort to dress up and go visiting because I believe it really is important to stay in touch with the people who have been there for you and your family through the years.

Oh, the eternal struggle between being in my comfort zone vs obligation and the call of duty.

the crunch
charles bukowski

too much too little

too fat
too thin
or nobody.

laughter or
tears

haters
lovers

strangers with faces like
the backs of
thumb tacks

armies running through
streets of blood
waving winebottles
bayoneting and fucking
virgins.

an old guy in a cheap room
with a photograph of M. Monroe.

there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock

people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners

it hasn’t told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone

untouched
unspoken to

watering a plant.

people are not good to each other.
people are not good to each other.
people are not good to each other.

I suppose they never will be.
I don’t ask them to be.

but sometimes I think about
it.

the beads will swing
the clouds will cloud
and the killer will behead the child
like taking a bite out of an ice cream cone.

too much
too little

too fat
too thin
or nobody

more haters than lovers.

people are not good to each other.
perhaps if they were
our deaths would not be so sad.

meanwhile I look at young girls
stems
flowers of chance.

there must be a way.

surely there must be a way that we have not yet
though of.

who put this brain inside of me?

it cries
it demands
it says that there is a chance.

it will not say
“no.”

froggy adventures

Every year, my dad buys a bamboo plant in a glass jar to put at my grandmother's house, which still remains our CNY Hq even though she's no longer around.

This year, he picked one not knowing it came with a little extra something.

For some reason, THERE WAS A FROG IN THE JAR??!?!?!!!!!

Dear froggy,

WHY ARE YOU SO TINY AND CUTE??!?!?

It was just a little baby!!!!!

I wanted so much to bring it home and make it my pet frog but my parents refused to let me 😒

My mum said it might be poisonous, it might go missing in the house and then we can't find it, she said it might have some fatal froggy disease that it will then pass to us. Bah!

My dad on the other hand, was more practical. He said I could keep it if I could tell him what I was going to feed it..... And who knows what the heck I'm going to feed a baby frog thats half the size of my thumb so they won this battle :(

So we took it out and went to find somewhere to let it go!

I wanted to find it a pond or aquarium but my dad refused to drive me to botanic gardens at midnight (hahahaha) so I went to scour the area around my grandmother's house.

My mum tried to get me to just release it in a long kang but I refused because I didn't want Froggy to be eaten by a rat or cat!!!!

In the end I found a money plant that was in a pot of water, that had little fishes swimming in it so I released Froggy into the pot.

And Froggy jumped right back out to say bye and let me snap a few pictures before he plopped back into the water.

Never thought I'd ever say this but frogs are really cute!!!!! Froggy was so tiny and kept shivering even though it's cold blooded wtf I think it was scared. Poor Froggy.

But ok I hope Froggy is now happier in its little pot kingdom instead of in a glass pot with chemical liquid :)

I want a pet frog!!!