when the going gets tough, lace your shoes up tight and run.

i didn't blog in April at all. 

i am so very tempted to give up on everything. career, family, love, God. give up on life, altogether. this urge to run away is growing day by day. 

i have too many questions that i cannot answer.

but what i do know, is that i need to find Sylvia circa 2010 back. once upon a time i was sharp, focused, determined, and i could survive on the bare minimum. more than survive, i could find joy. then i became soft, weak, lazy, spoilt, and i have no one to blame but myself for that, really. but then J broke me, and instead of fighting back i just grew to accept rather than conquer the resulting one-dimensionalism, clinginess and insecurity.

enough. 

time to toughen the fuck up, sylvia. i will learn to stand back up on my own 2 feet & stop expecting people to be there 24/7 to help pick me up. 

the world owes you nothing. nobody is indispensible. & with or without you, life goes on.