"I hated myself for going, why couldn't I be the kind of person who stays?"
— Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)
I ask myself questions like this and lament the fact that I don't have enough belief in a person's will to change to stay, but then at the same time I promise myself I will not stay because I cannot afford to have the weight of what you have done weigh me down, all without realising that the very fact that I have found myself unable to move an inch in the last 3 months is proof of my inherent subconscious belief that someday you will change, you will learn from the trials of life, and that at the end of the day I want to be there for you no matter what.
But even if I haven't been able to walk away, the point is that I want to. And that says everything. There's too much spoken, too much unspoken and too much heartache and betrayal between then and now and at the end of the day I am a selfish creature and I am sorry.
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