letter to my best friend

Dear A,

Thank you for being you.

I remember the first time I spoke to you, and you actually intimidated me cos you were just… honest and brash and in-your-face. It was hard for people to accept your rather brutal honesty but I loved it, and I secretly wished I could be that way too. I can’t even count the number of friends I made by proxy in JC with you around cos you have this amazing ability to sit down and make conversation with everyone and anyone. Fast forward a year later and we had that silly little fight that made us not talk for 6 months. Looking back now it all seemed so silly, but I guess at that time after losing you-know-who it was too hard to see you happy. It was selfish and stupid and I will always be sorry for being such a pissy, petty retard and for that 6 months that we lost but what matters is that when we really needed each other, it was like we never stopped talking at all and picked up right where we left off.

I doubt I would be the person I am without you. I doubt I would be half as strong as I am now without you. I doubt I would have survived any of that shit that was the past 3 years without you. Every difficult decision I have made with my life, with my career, with stupid boys who are stupid, you have been there every step of the day, picking up the phone at ridiculous hours to listen to me whine and rant and mope about my pathetic life, sob about how much I miss so and so, encouraging me and telling me to be strong and that I am worth so much more, I can do so much better, and keeping my spirits up and the faith strong. Even when you were down and out and I was too selfish to realise that, you gave whatever you had to me even if you didn’t have enough faith in life for yourself anyway.

I know that you’re hurting and I know it’s hard, but I am so so proud of you for finally taking that step and I just hope you know that. Someone like you deserves so much better and you know it and you will find it. And when that day comes I hope I’ll still be around to celebrate with you. I’m not good with comforting words and I can be pretty shitty at trying to be optimistic cos I’ll probably just wind up telling you to kill yourself, but I’m a pretty mean listener and I have a hell of a hug and a shoulder and you know I am always just a phone call and a cab ride away if you need me (even if it means traveling down to Pulau NTU). And I will always be here. Because when I was at a point of my life where I felt like I had lost everything, all I had left was you, and it was more than enough.

I love you tons and tons.

Love, me.