the last time he saw dorie
copeland

he's in love with tragedy
he's in love with tragedy
she was a wreck but he loved her
she was a wreck but so was he

live live live, live because you
love love love, and love will make you
give give give, and give in until you
break break break, but you just want to
fix yourself just to break again

A month ago, I sat in bed watching Crazy/Beautiful with a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats, feeling sorry for myself and wondering when I would find happiness again.

A month later, I sit in bed, still with a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats, but no longer feeling sorry for myself.

It doesn't matter if I'm with someone or if I'm alone, I can always be happy. I have friends who want me around enough to ask me out for retail therapy when they get their heart broken. I have friends who mercilessly make fun of me. I have friends who entertain me on IM in the middle of the night. Recently, more and more so, I'm finding myself loved, and pampered, and I laugh almost all the time.

I'll never be happy enough. I'll always be on the pursuit of happiness.

But right now, I'm happier than I've been in a very, very long while.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

- captain corelli's mandolin

I don't understand why I constantly worry about being sensitive, about trying to keep things from people to prolong their joy, to keep them from being upset. I don't know why I feel the constant need to protect, and shield people from information. At the end of the day it's all going to come out, everything's going to blow up, and people are going to find out and judge. And it's not like I really give a shit what they think, cos the people who matter to me would've been the first few to know.

I don't know why I bother trying to be sensitive and be tactful, when other people aren't.

It doesn't make sense to be nice anymore.

So forget it; people can judge all the want.

I know who I care about, I am constantly surrounded by people who love me, and all they want from me is to be happy.

And I am. With the people I love, I am.

ONE. Mouthing off about me to someone I just met and whom I actually would have liked to be friends with, especially in front of my friends, who will obviously come and tell me what you said, is not cool. At all. Especially after all the shit I went through for you, the amount of your shit I had to clear up. Since it's apparent that you don't think enough of what I've done for you to consider that as being a friend, from now on you're dead to me (:

TWO. Mouthing off about your friends to me, however good the intentions are, especially when they've managed to understand me in a way you haven't, just makes you look like a jealous, bitter mofo. Considering the amount of respect he has for you and your friendship and the fact that you could say shit like that in spite of that... I really have nothing left to say.

Other than that, life has been absolutely peachy ;)

"Not a fan of surprises?"

"On the contrary actually. I am very much a surprises kind of girl."