Yes yes I know my Livejournal has been nothing but emo and angst ridden but it's generally cos I tend to update only when I'm in a bad mood. No worries though for those of you who have been asking, yes I really am fine.
I realise that the older I get the less reliant I am on my Livejournal, and even when I find that I do need to write to release some sort of tension, I watch my words more closely. I guess it's the combination that maturity and the experience that being fucked over repeatedly brings, but I find that these days, I guard my thoughts and my feelings a lot closer than I used to.
It's so much easier to guard your heart and not let anyone in as opposed to opening yourself up to trusting people and being hurt over and over and over again. And when it comes to the point where you've been hurt over and over, it takes so much less effort to just shut people out then to actually invest your energies into facing these issues.
Call me a coward, but I choose escapism. Reliving all that for that tiny little extra bit of long-term strength you gain by facing fears and insecurities? It's not worth it.
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