Once I loved a man, and he was everything I could ask for in a first love. The highs were terrifyingly high, the lows were crushing. We fought and made up and gave up and tried again and he left me and we moved on and we tried again and it didn't work and we lost touch and we then suddenly we didn't and it was like nothing changed and yet everything remained the same and the highs remained the highest high I've ever been on and the lows got worse than before and then I left him and I swore I would never do it again.
Once I loved another man, and with him, I learnt to forget what it was like to love for love's sake. I traded passion for security, gave up the pounding hearts and crushing pain for a steady constantness, exchanged the dizzying peaks and heart lurching dips for a unfaltering forward trudge. And my heart grew cold. Until one day I found, that I had no more love for this man.
Then I met you.
You thawed my frozen heart bit by bit, kindled a fire I forgot was there. You made me learn to love the highs and lows while staying mindful of the changes and staying on the right path despite the oscillations. You taught me to embrace the free fall while staying alert, you gave me unconditional love yet absolute freedom. It brought back a side of me I used to love that I forgot about, only stronger, more mindful, more deliberate, surer, and steadier.
But the pandora's box of life knows no differentiation, it can't tell the difference between love and hate, happiness and sadness, joy and fear. And so with this newfound happiness and freedom that you have given me, you have also brought back the things I forgot were there.
Is love worth it, when it comes at the cost of facing every ghost and demon you've worked so hard to hide all these years?