things to remember

August 2012. 

We're at East Coast at sunset after your windsurf training, gorgeous weather and a surprise picnic I packed. You are unspeakably amused at the picnic mat I brought. "It's like a real picnic!" Your eyes light up at the sight of the food I cooked that I know you like- mac and cheese, grilled honey glazed chicken, strawberries and chocolate fondue for dessert. And then I pull out wet wipes, ice cold drinks, speakers and a picnic playlist, and you laugh at the detail I've put into the planning. You enthusiastically dig in, and then you suddenly stop and you look at me with this look in your eyes. Reach out for my hand and pull me towards you, and you press your lips against mine and kiss me with a tenderness so gentle that it takes my breath away.

I want to remember that moment forever. 

Little Talks- Of Monsters and Men

I don't like walking around this old and empty house.

So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear

The stairs creak as I sleep, 

it's keeping me awake

It's the house telling you to close your eyes

Some days I can't even dress myself.

It's killing me to see you this way.

'Cause though the truth may vary

this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.

There's an old voice in my head 

that's holding me back

Well tell her that I miss our little talks.

Soon it will all be over, buried with our past

We used to play outside when we were young

and full of life and full of love.

Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I am right.

Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear.

You're gone, gone, gone away, 

I watched you disappear.

All that's left is a ghost of you.

Now we're torn, torn, torn apart, 

there's nothing we can do,

Just let me go, we'll meet again soon.

Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around

I'll see you when I fall asleep.

Don't listen to a word I say

The screams all sound the same.

Though the truth may vary

this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

you are my light

One misunderstood question or a misread tone and we find ourselves at the same point we keep finding ourselves at for the last 2 months and I push and you withdraw and I push some more and you keep your silence until I burst and you lash out and every fight feels like it's going to be the last one, that this time when you say we should just end this so we can be happier that it's really going to be over and we say terrible things that hurt so badly, and I don't understand you and you dont understand me and it feels like we will never be able to get past any of this but at the end of the day when I've exhausted you with my words and myself with all the tears and there's nothing left to say, you drive me home and we're quiet in the car, and when we reach my house you get off the car to say goodbye, and you wrap your arms around me so tight it almost hurts and you lift me off the ground and kiss me on the forehead and say goodnight, and in that instant it overwhelms me, this crippling fear that I might very well end up losing you and the constant fear that every day might be our last together and I know in the very depth of my soul, that I will never stop loving you for the rest of my life.