Wednesday, June 13, 2012

6 things 20-somethings want

1. To own books. To have an apartment that houses an overstuffed bookcase overflowing with fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, cookbooks, self-help, and cheesy romance novels. Underneath the windowsill overlooking the city, there will sit a leather lounge chair that you picked up at an antique store or yard sale. Here, you will sit and read all your wonderful books.

2. To be loved. By friends, family, men and women. To never be alone on a Friday night. You’ll host book club meetings in your apartment and show off your overflowing bookcase. You’ll do yoga on Tuesdays. You’ll take art history classes for fun. You’ll go on dates. When your world falls apart, you’ll always have someone to call for support. A loving soul will always be there to congratulate you on your accomplishments, give you a massage after a long day, hook that difficult bracelet latch around your wrist that you can never get on your own, and of course, tell you you’re beautiful.

3. To own a unique pet, like a cockatiel or miniature pig. To have a doorman who knows your name. On rainy days, you’ll attempt to watch all the classic movies you never watched when you were younger. You’ll call your mom every Sunday. You’ll write poetry for fun. You’ll read the New York Times at your local coffee joint and attempt to do the Sunday crossword puzzles. The barista will know your order without having to ask. One day, you’ll give up coffee for green tea, but what’s the rush?

4. To be successful. To receive invitations to fashion shows and art gallery openings, but only attend them selectively. To write beautiful things to fall upon the eyes of beautiful people. Your feet will be your main form of transportation. You’ll be the most fashionable person at the office. During lunch breaks, you’ll get lost in Barnes & Noble. You’ll call your boss by his or her first name and sometimes, when a deadline is approaching, you’ll shoot each other a text. You’ll have health insurance and a retirement plan.

5. To do something crazy — like move to China — and then blame it on a fleeting youth. To eat pizza in Rome. To accumulate frequent flyer miles. To, every once in awhile, fly first class.

6. To, one day, reread these hopes and desires, smiling at the things that came to fruition, and wondering what happened to those that didn’t.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

live life


I set this as my new iPhone lock screen recently and I think that's a mantra I really want to start living by. 

I've been feeling a bit aimless lately and I couldn't quite pinpoint the reason why. I just brushed it off as adjusting to full-time working life but even then I couldn't really fully convince myself that that was true given how I've never really stopped working since I started in this industry in 2009. Now that school's done, I think I need to set some new goals for myself- not just career goals or tangible material aims that would somehow signify some sort of growth in social stature, but some personal goals.

This double life is getting a bit exhausting to keep up. I think it's about time to face up to all the stupid decisions of my youth that I have made in my life, accept the consequences and start living the way I ultimately want to live, and not just hope to live. I think I am ready to change my life. I've always had this ideal standard that I would like to live by but never really had the courage to try to achieve it because it just felt like too much effort to have to try to change the way I live. I guess a part of it comes down to not wanting to put myself in a position where I risk failure. I hate failing. Who does? But avoiding new things so that I don't put myself in a position where I could possibly fail, while juvenile, seems to be my coping mechanism more often than not. Eeeks.

It occurred to me recently that just because some things are a habit, it doesn't mean that that's the best I can do. Neither is it the best for me. Just because some things are the way they have been for as long as I can remember, it doesn't mean it's right. I need to learn to stop taking comfort in worldly matters and things of the earth, but to focus on the life I want for myself in the long term. And to work towards that, no matter how long and hard the road is, how much judgement I will get for it, or how many people I lose in the process.

Baby steps, until I get to where I want to be, and become the person I want to be. A person I would be proud of.